Mike Bechtle

Loved—we have a place in someone else’s heart
Respected—someone admires us for our personal qualities, achievement, or status
Needed—someone has a vacuum in their life that we fill
Focused on—another person is intentional about caring for us
Noticed—we capture someone’s attention rather than being invisible
Valued—someone would feel a loss if we were not in their life
Refreshed—someone brings a casual lightness into our life
Trusted—another person feels safe in our presence and shares their life openly
Listened to—when we talk, someone wants to understand, not just to reply
Encouraged—others give us fresh strength to continue when ours is lacking
Shown commitment—there’s someone who we trust won’t give up on us when things get crazy
Allowed to dream—dreaming is risky and creative, and we need someone who doesn’t put us down for those wild ideas for the future

It’s not realistic or practical to be constantly stretching. The comfort zone is where we live, relax, and regroup. It’s where we recharge and gain energy for the next adventure.

. One man might be more sensitive while another is not. One man tends to be driven by performance while another is driven by reflection.

He probably grew up like most kids, asking for a ton of things and having his mom say no to most of them. But now he’s a man and values his independence. He finds value in being able to make his own choices and has spent most of his life working toward that. It’s part of how he’s wired.

There are men who haven’t matured enough to value relationships with women, or have deeper psychological or behavioral issues that need to be dealt with

But that’s because she’s looking at my vertical perspective through her horizontal perspective.

I’ll ask for help, but it’s not my first inclination. I have a basic desire to be competent on my own, and that’s how it plays out.

Kevin Leman’s The Birth Order Book describes the unique characteristics of a firstborn child versus a lastborn child. He charts a clear path for parents to understand why the firstborn has to have everything in exact order and why the lastborn wants to have a party.

Listen to the difference in how these two sentences come across to a man.

“You’re always looking at your phone when I’m trying to talk to you. You care more about that stupid phone than about me.” (Accusatory)

With that approach, a man feels like he’s done something wrong and is in trouble. It makes him defensive instead of open to what you’re saying.

“I need your help in figuring something out.” (Wait for response.) “I’ve noticed that a lot of times, when I come to talk to you, you’re looking at something on your phone. I’m not sure how to handle that, because it feels like you’re distracted or like you’re not that interested in what I’m saying. Am I reading it wrong?” (Exploratory)

book called Everything Men Know about Women.