Ramani Durvasula

Be mindful and catch yourself. Take a moment and reflect on the situation at hand; before you make an excuse, think about why this happened.

Many times you are clear as day about the right thing to do but realize that your narcissistic partner may not be on board, so you may want to add a third column to your pros and cons list—and that may be labeled “fears.” Fear of how your partner will react, or how he may undermine your decision. By remaining aware of your fear, you may be able to recognize how you are blocking your own decision-making powers.

Overall, the narcissist’s emptiness, lack of empathy, and general lack of warmth can mean that even the slightest foible, oversight, or mistake raises fear in you, anger in them, and they are rarely able to see the big picture.

Think about how many times you had an idea or aspiration ridiculed or at least ignored by your partner, how many times you gave up as a result, and how many lost opportunities that may represent.

Social support and social networks are good for our health and our well-being. To lose them, especially when you are living in the psychological desert of a narcissistic relationship, can be uniquely challenging.

your craving for social contact can become so deep that you may be thrilled to go to work to have contact with colleagues

It can be subtle—saying no to a night out with friends, spending holidays away from your family, avoiding having people to the house so they don’t witness your partner’s behavior, not wanting to hear your partner’s criticism about people close to you so you slowly cut them out of your life.

When we use things like food or alcohol to cope with our hurt or our feelings, we are managing our feelings from the “outside in”—in essence, numbing them.

Numbing can become a one-stop shop for not having to think about what you are living in.

Over time, no matter how much you engage in numbing or masking of feelings, you will end up experiencing deeper and more destructive things like fatigue, mental dullness, sadness, doubt, and disconnection.