Two Dollar Radio Guide to Naming Your Baby

SIENNA

Can’t stand how everyone thinks Sierra is sooooo great.

KAYLEY

Dies tragically in a rental scooter accident.

KEATON

Dies tragically in a rental scooter accident.

KEENAN

Dies tragically in a rental scooter accident.

HUGH

No, Hugh cannot pay his parking tickets with Bitcoin. He gonna try though.

FINN
Is building a greenhouse right now. Great with his hands, terrible with his brain.

FERN
Turtlenecks for days. Long crying spells for nights

ELEANOR
Will not hold the elevator for anyone. No one did for her

DAHLIA
Will be voted Most Likely to Dabble in Witchcraft by her high school classmates. She had to put a spell on the yearbook editor to even make that a category, but hey, a win’s a win.

ALY
Never trust a name with less than four letters, my grandma used to say. This looks more like a suffix than a person.