Codependent No More: by Melody Beattie | Key Takeaways, Analysis & Review

Codependents often feel that if there is a higher power, or God, he has abandoned them. Or, they feel that if there is a God, he is judging them and their failures. However, this is not the case. There is a higher power, or God, and he has not abandoned the codependent. The codependent has abandoned themselves. More importantly, because the codependent does not have faith in themselves, or God, they do not have faith that God can truly help them.

Consequently, in order to complete the healing process, a codependent needs to learn that they cannot sequester themselves from the rest of the world for fear of being hurt again. Healthy relationships are important, and this includes caring for and allowing someone to care for them in return. Without this willingness to love and be loved in return, a person will remain stunted and will not complete their healing journey.

Plus, a key factor in gauging a person’s happiness is feeling loved and cared for, and returning that love and care to another [5]. In fact, when a person is generous with their affections, they subconsciously say that they have more than what is needed [5]. This not only reaffirms that person on a subconscious level, but it increases overall happiness [5].

This is where the saying, Let go, and let God, comes into play.

Indeed, the American Psychological Association points out that the mind and body are “strongly linked” [3]. If a person’s mental health is deteriorating, physical health will likely follow [3]. Conversely, if a person is mentally healthy, they are more likely to be physically healthy [3].

Regardless of the reason, when a codependent person loses touch with how they feel, they lose the ability to truly connect with people and feel positive emotions

One of the issues codependents face is low self-esteem. This is often the result of not receiving enough emotional support from a parent while growing up, being in a relationship with an addict, or similar situations. Whatever the reason, the codependent person wants to feel good about themselves and looks to other people for validation. One of the ways a codependent attains this validation is by feeling needed, and this is accomplished by rescuing the addict from the consequence of their actions. In other words, codependents will do whatever it takes to make sure the person they are in a relationship with does not hit rock bottom. This makes the codependent feel important, albeit temporarily.
Sadly, this results in two problems. One, the addict does not feel the pain of their actions and the pressure to change their actions. Two, the codependent person lives in a state of chaos because they are constantly trying to mitigate the addict’s behavior.
Moreover, because the person

As such, one of the major steps in healing from codependency is learning to let go of that which cannot be controlled and learning to control that which can be controlled. Letting go is often a turning point that allows a higher power, or God, to work within the codependent’s life. This is because when a person is so focused on controlling everything around themselves, God is not free to work in that person’s life. This letting go is called becoming undependent.

Moreover, codependents rarely act. To act requires foresight, and a codependent is simply responding. This constant state of reaction over action leads to further anxiety and loss of confidence. This then becomes a vicious cycle where a codependent lacks the confidence to act, overreacts to a situation, realizes they behaved inappropriately, feel guilt for this, and then experiences more loss of confidence. Furthermore, as a codependent person continues this behavior, it becomes a habit. Thus, codependency can be called a disease because this self-destructive behavior becomes habitual