John Karter

Giving and receiving love/affection/intimacy
Curing loneliness
Companionship
Security
Having children
Sexual fulfilment
Complying with pressure from society/parents/media
Validation of self
Power and control
Personal growth

Make a list of the needs you had when you entered into your current or most recent relationship. Try to be as honest as you can with yourself.
• How many of those needs have been met either in full or in part?
• How many of them have not been met at all?
• During the course of the relationship, have you recognized new needs and/or discarded some of the original ones?
• What do you think your partner’s needs were/are? Do you think he/she feels those needs have been met?

Love is my religion

And I could die for that.

I could die for you.

whereby an experience from the past is ‘transferred’ to the present

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship’

The more you are able to gain insight into the hidden agendas, feelings and unspoken communications, and uncover what is really happening between the two of you, the better placed you will be to deal with conflict, change negative and destructive patterns of relating that eat away at the fabric of the relationship, and bring those vital qualities of mutual nurture, respect and genuine love into play.

Giving and receiving love/affection/intimacy

Curing loneliness

Companionship

Security

Having children

Sexual fulfilment

Complying with pressure from society/parents/media

Validation of self

Power and control

Personal growth

“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.”’

However, when we enter into a relationship with someone, the ‘choosing’ is not as straightforward as it seems on a surface level, because it is usually underpinned by a multi-layered mix of emotional, psychological and biological factors going on behind the scenes.

People are either driven by nature and instinct, for example the fundamental biological need to reproduce, or are led by their heart rather than their head.