Siobhan Davis

Tonight is different.

Tonight, I am trying to forget my broken heart.

Seeing him walk through the door with her draped all over him sent me over the edge. I knew I would never survive the party unless I blotted it all out and numbed myself to the harsh reality of my current existence.

Pain slices across my chest as intense as if someone has plunged a knife into my flesh.

A lone sob travels up my throat, surging for freedom, and it’s an anguished, strangled, desolate sound as it rips from my lips.

Fuck, it hurts.

It’s not getting any easier.

To think my biggest worry coming here was extracting Chad from the deal he made with The Sainthood.

Music blares, hurting my ears, and a burst of light from the hallway has me squinting in the darkened room as the door swings open. I glance over, scrubbing my eyes as a tall, muscular form kicks the door shut with a booted foot before stalking toward me. His familiar hulking frame is a shadowy blur as he strides across the room.

“I want to be alone, Chad,” I say, my words slurring slightly. I angle my face away without looking at him. Things have been increasingly strained between me and my boyfriend since arriving at Lowell University a few months ago.

Especially these past few weeks.

I’m not the only one who has lost Jase. I met Jase through Chad, and it was my boyfriend who proposed I take his best friend as my lover too. They have been best friends and teammates on the football team for years. This is the first time they have stopped talking to one another, and I’m not sure if the damage to their relationship can ever be repaired.

The bed dips as Chad climbs up behind me, ignoring my wishes, as per usual. Warmth coats my back as he presses his long, hard, ripped body up against me. Firm fingers land on my hip as he thrusts his hard-on against my ass. Lust stirs low in my belly despite my frustration and melancholy. Pushing my hair aside, he plants a slew of drugging kisses along my neck, and my skin tingles from his addictive touch. I close my eyes, and my drunken brain conjures my dreams to life. I imagine it’s Jase touching me, eliciting little moans and whimpers, and dampening my panties as Chad’s hands begin to wander.

Shoving those images aside, I am immediately remorseful and shamefaced. Chad doesn’t deserve to have me check out on him, no matter how fragile our relationship is right now. We haven’t had sex in weeks, and I need to feel closer to my boyfriend.

I can’t lose him too.

Notes of citrus, spice, and sandalwood tickle my nostrils as he moves, and the heady scent of his cologne hits me like a direct stab to the heart.

I would know that scent anywhere.

My eyes pop wide in realization, and I attempt to turn around, but firm hands stop me. My heart is thrashing against my rib cage, pounding in excitement as adrenaline charges through my veins and lust elevates my arousal to dizzy heights.

He came looking for me.

Jase is here.

Touching me. Kissing me. Holding me. Comforting me.

Does he miss me as much as I miss him? Does he walk around with a constant pain in his heart and an ache in his soul?

I need to see him. To peer into his gorgeous emerald-green eyes as I reclaim his lips. I attempt to turn around again, but he stops me once more, and my newfound hope stutters to a halt.

He won’t face me because nothing has changed.

He can never be mine.

This is as much as he can offer me.

But it’s not enough.

It never will be.

That horrific night replays in my mind, like it often has these past couple of weeks, and my heart ruptures again in my chest as the pain of his betrayal slays me anew. His arms tighten around me in the dark, holding me steady as I thrash around, desperate to get away from him before my treacherous body gives me away.

No matter how much I want this, want him, I can’t give in.

But it’s not that simple.

Every nerve ending on my body craves his touch, and I’m like an addict chasing a high I know isn’t good for me, but I’m struggling to resist.

My good friend Harlow Westbrook was involved in taking a lot of key players down last year. Her four husbands made up the junior chapter leadership of The Sainthood gang, and they were all pivotal in forcing that organization to its knees.

This is a new beginning, and I need to set my dark thoughts aside. I owe Ash that much at least. I owe her much more, but we can start there.

It’s already happened. It’s a done deal. There’s nothing you can do or say to change it.” Bending his head down, he puts his face all up in hers, and I see red again. Ash reaches behind to grab my hand in warning. “Roomie.” Ares rubs his hands in glee as his gaze bounces between me and my girlfriend. “We’re going to have so much fun.”

Snatching his cold takeout and beer, he walks away. Ares’s dark chuckle follows him out of the room as Ash and I stare at one another, all hint of good humor long gone from both our expressions.

A muscle clenches in my jaw. “You know what he’s forcing on me.”

Sympathy splays across her face. “I know this is hard for you, but he’s given you as much leeway as he can. Despite what you think of your father, he has tried his best to soften the blow. He only has your best interests at heart, Jase. You’d do well to remember that.”