David Sedaris

Then I realized that it didn’t mean anything. Opinions constantly shifted and evolved, were fluid the same way thoughts were.

“You will grow up to be a terrible person,” I told her. “I mean, more terrible than you are now. If that’s even possible.”

“Oh, now, she didn’t say that!”
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because it’s prejudiced.”
“Of course it is, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t say it.”

I’m not saying you should dwell solely on the negative, but why blot it out entirely, especially in a social setting where it’s practically your duty to spark debate and lively conversation?

I want to laugh. Then I want him to laugh and say, “Just kidding!” But he honestly believes all this and is frustrated that I won’t believe it as well. “Wake up!” he says.

The times I miss her most are when I see something she might have liked: a piece of jewelry or a painting. The view of a white sand beach off a balcony. Palm trees. How I’d have loved to spoil her with beautiful things.

“The secret to Dad’s longevity isn’t diet or exercise, or even his genes,” I’ve often said to Paul and my sisters. “He’s just late for death, the way he’s been late for everything else all his life.”

the best thing you can do for the poor is avoid joining their ranks, thus competing with them for limited goods and services.