Lies We Tell Ourselves

The values many of us take for granted today are the result of hard-fought battles that happened years, decades and centuries ago. Working alongside the civil rights leaders we revere today, like Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Rosa Parks, there were hundreds, if not thousands, of now-forgotten activists who sacrificed everything they had so people today could live the way we do. Every generation needs to remember that—and to remember that it’s up to us to make sacrifices of our own for the ones who will come next.

Sadly, discrimination, inequality and hate violence are very much still with us.

It isn’t about sacrificing us for the movement. It’s about making hard decisions. Because somebody has to.

I’m glad I’ve done what I’ve done. But it nearly broke me.

“Everything’s different now. I mean, in a lot of ways it’s just as bad as before, but I guess I’m different now.”

I try to imagine what that would be like. To think about something so hard you realize you’ve been wrong your whole life. To go out in front of everyone you know and tell them you’ve changed your mind.

It still makes me angry, but now that I know what real fear feels like, these hallway shouts don’t upset me as much as they used to.

This all just seems so silly.

It’s as though I’ve grown a shell around myself. Something for the shouts to bounce off of. Something the spitballs can’t penetrate.

I’m better than all this.

These people can do what they want, but they can’t hurt me. I’m stronger than all of them put together.

“Let me give you some advice,” she says. “When you’re upset, and there’s nothing you can do to make things better, it helps if you have something worthwhile to do. Sitting and stewing will only make you feel worse.”

We all have to stand up for what we know is right.

“Remember what to do when it gets hard,” she says. “Take your worries to the Lord. Have faith. He’s watching over all of you.”

I nod. Mama’s right, of course.

But I can’t help wondering why the Lord has to watch over us from so far away.