Shopaholic to the Stars

In short, I think it unlikely that your mother-in-law is related to Darth Vader.

That is totally a Darth Vader thing to say.

‘Try repeating this after me.’ I lean forward. ‘“Luke, my love, if we can just spend some time together—”’ I break off at Elinor’s rigid expression. I can see she isn’t going to go for ‘Luke, my love’. ‘All right, let’s try it a different way. You could say, “Luke, my angel …” Her face grows yet more rigid. ‘“Luke, my sweetheart … my darling—”’ I break off. ‘OK, what would you say?’

‘Luke, my son,’ says Elinor.

‘You sound like Darth Vader,’ I say bluntly. Elinor doesn’t even flinch.

‘One more question before we move on.’ Dix Donahue twinkles at me. ‘What was your hamster’s name, Rebecca?’

‘Er …’ Shit. My mind has gone totally blank. ‘It was … er … called …’

‘Ermintrude,’ comes Luke’s deep voice. ‘She was like family.’

Oh, ha, ha. Very funny.

‘Yes, Ermintrude.’ I muster a smile. ‘Ermintrude the hamster.’

I’ll get you a new hamster this Christmas, darling,’ he says over the sound of applause. ‘We’ll fight the discrimination together. If you can be brave enough, so can I.